'Edge of Darkness' --John's Take

‘Edge Of Darkness’ is a conspiracy thriller starring Mel Gibson who's back in a starring role for the first time in almost a decade. Gibson plays Boston detective Tom Craven, an everyman who has gone through life pretty much unnoticed until his daughter is viciously gunned down in front of him. After grieving his loss for all of 10 seconds Craven starts an investigation into his daughter's killer that leads him in a rampage through the city. What he finds uncovers corruption and conspiracy at every level from state Senators and CEOs to government agents. He also finds along the way that his daughter may not be exactly the person she said she was.

Make no mistake about it, Gibson is back and carries this movie on his shoulder from start to finish. In the edge of darkness you get to see why we love gets in the 1st place before the DUIs and anti-Semitism. Mel proves he can still carry a movie, make a joke, and create an empathetic character. I don't want make this all about the actor that's pretty much what this movie is, a great actor in an okay role. Steeped in bad writing, uneven pacing, and unclear situations the flick becomes an enjoyable movie with real problems. Generally you won't hear me talk about bad writing, I don't mind some cheesy dialogue or if certain things need to be met with some suspension of disbelief, I mean it is a movie. That's not the stuff I'm talking about here, there were several instances where character said something that just didn't make sense or didn't fit in with what was going on. It was almost as if the writers were including inside jokes to each other. I also can't see to forgive filmmakers with the type of resources these had for having completely ridiculous situations. For instance, in the film there is a private security firm that is tailing Gibson as he goes about his investigation, the entire time they are completely obvious and make no attempt to stay hidden. They would have been less conspicuous had they been driving a neon green car. This just seems like lazy writing to me. Does it take away from the movie? Sure it does, but somehow the film still manages to come up on the good side of enjoyable.

I already talked about Mel's performance so what are some of the other good things about the movie? Well, Ray Winstone for one. This guy always seems to bring it and make better any movie he's in. The laughs also make this movie well worth it, how they screwed the writing so bad in some places but still managed to deliver great laughs in what you think would be an un-laughable situation is beyond me, but they did it. I mean it, I laughed hard four or five times during this movie, and I have been to plenty of comedies that didn't make me laugh that much. The violence in this flick is up there too, they really caught me by surprise with how gory they made it. People are literally blown to bits from gunshot wounds with flesh flying and blood spraying. They also did a great job with the tension in the film which results in some very real jump scares that are sure to get you out of your seat. Lastly, I'll only praise Gibson one more time and that's for his accent. When I first saw the trailers for this film I swore that I would hate his take on a Boston accent. He certainly didn't nail it but it wasn't as distracting as I thought it would be. It kind of sounds like a toned down version of his Three Stooges impression from ‘Lethal Weapon’ and not at all like it should but for some reason it worked.

So what's the verdict? Well, if this was summer time he had a lot of options out there I would probably say wait for the rental. But seeing as how it is January and the only other major release in the past weeks was ‘Legion’ I'm going to go ahead and say catch this one in theaters. I honestly don't think that anyone will regret seeing this movie, and I'm sure a great time. If I'm being completely honest, the things I complained about are really that big a deal and I'm sure most people wouldn't even notice. So if you're a fan of Gibson, or just like conspiracy thrillers ‘Edge of Darkness’ is probably for you. I just think it could've been a tiny bit better.

4th & Short: 1/31/10

So last week I completely forgot to write this post. No excuses. It just completely slipped my mind. Not that it would've mattered, since nothing came out that would've altered my opinion of the three best films anyway. This week isn't much different. January and February can be a real drag.

3. Edge of Darkness

So I've bashed this movie pretty hard, particularly it's molasses pacing and inability to muster up any suspense. But with that said, Mel Gibson's performance as a grizzled Boston cop investigating the murder of his activist daughter is compelling stuff, and the chief reason to check this film out. It's good to see Gibson back at the top of his game. This is his first starring role since 2002, when he starred in both We Were Soldiers and M. Night Shymalan's Signs.

2. A Single Man

A Single Man has expanded to more theatres this week thanks to the Oscar buzz generated by it's star, the brilliant Colin Firth. This is his most daring performance yet, starring as a homosexual man going through the motions of life after dealing with the death of his partner. A dreamy and glamorous directorial debut from fashion designer, Tom Ford.

1. The Book of Eli

Even if you're sick of the barren post-apocalyptic scenarios like I am, Denzel Washington manages to raise this film's status through sheer charisma alone. He stars as a travelling road warrior, a book toting badass on a mysterious mission. If after all this time you still haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and keep your eyes off any reviews...yes, even mine, that might spoil the film's twisty conclusion.

DVD Pick of the Week: Whip It
I think I like Drew Barrymore better behind the camera at this point. Her directorial debut is a perky and upbeat coming of age flick for the tweeny-bopper set. Ellen Page stars as an insightful, quirky girl in a small town(not unlike her Juno character) who's life is full of gowns, make-up, and beauty pageants. That is until she discovers the world of women's roller derby, and finds her niche as a jamming, elbow throwing badass.  Expecting little, Whip It is a ton of fun, and full of strong performances by Kristen Wiig, Juliette Lewis, and Jimmy Fallon.

Daniel Craig Signs on to Cowboys and Aliens

Looks like Daniel Craig is trading in his tuxedo and martini for a 10 gallon hat and a shot of whiskey. The actor has signed on to star in Dreamworks' Cowboys and Aliens, replacing Robert Downey, Jr. who left the project in order to work on Sherlock Holmes 2. Craig will star as Zeke Jackson, a cowboy who gathers up a posse of native Americans and other cowboys to do battle with an invading alien fleet. Pretty high concept stuff. The film is based on the graphic novel written by current Marvel comics scribe, Fred Van Lente.

While I'm sorta indifferent to Daniel Craig most of the time, I'm genuinely interested in seeing how the actor is going to handle playing a western cowboy. It doesn't really seem to fit him in the least, whereas I could see Downey in the role.

You can read more of Deadline.com's coverage of this story right here.

The List: 1/29/10

I heard from more than a few people this week expressing shock and disbelief that I spent my hard earned money and valuable time to sit through Tooth Fairy. First off, these are the same folks who ride me for "seeing everything", so quit acting surprised when I actually do it. Second, I was hopeful that it wouldn't be as awful as I was expecting it to be. Sometimes that works for the better. In this case, it didn't. A pretty painful experience all around.

My lukewarm response to this glacial politi-thriller aside, Mel Gibson puts on one helluva dynamic performance here. He is the main reason to see this film, along with another bulldozing performance by Ray Winstone, who's got two films on my list this week. Based on a BBC series of the same name, it's the story of a cop, investigating the murder of his activist daughter, finding a trail that leads directly to a world of corporate espionage. I'm expecting this to do some huge business this week, probably beating out Avatar.

Just look at that poster. Can't you tell it was made by the same guys who brought us Sexy Beast, another Brit gangster flick. I was no fan of that film, considering it more style than substance, but to be honest that's how most British crime films are nowadays. Still, it's hard to deny just how cool most of the players are, in particular Ray Winstone, who seems to have the classy English hood market cornered. Here he stars as a man who's distraught over his wife's infidelity. Rather than moving on like any normal guy would, his buddies devise a scheme to help him seek revenge, by kidnapping his wife's new beau and either torturing or killing the poor chump. I don't know if we'll see any ears getting cut off, but I wouldn't put it past 'em.

If there's time....

I'm always happy when a film sneaks up on me. It's so rare that I haven't already snuffed out every film that comes down the pipe, but this one totally flew over my head. Matthew Broderick stars as a negativist, with a worldview that puts him in direct competition with Oscar the Grouch. However, when his roommate falls deathly ill and his sister(played by Sanaa Lathan) comes to visit, she inspires an awakening in him that might change his outlook on things. Sounds a little like American Splendor meets The Visitor. This one could go either way. If it's too sappy, I'm taking my Swedish Fish and heading home early.

No...a thousand times no...!!!

God that poster is terrible. Josh Duhamel looks like a serial stalker, eyeballing Kristen Bell like she's the fresh catch at a corner seafood market. And what exactly is that look on her face? Is that supposed to be cutesy because she's biting her nails like a nervous schoolgirl? What the hell is that? Here's what I know about this junk: it's about a girl who throws coins into a wishing fountain, asks for love, then gets more than she bargained for when multiple goofy suitors come calling. Something has gone seriously wrong on the promising path that was Kristen Bell's career. As a capper to this movie's crapitude, it's directed by Mark Stephen Johnson, who brought us such masterpieces as Ghost Rider and Daredevil. It'll take similarly powered superheroes to drag me into this thing.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The Expendables!!

Our coverage of Edgar Wright's(Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead) Scott Pilgrim vs. The World has been absolute zero. That's mainly my fault, me being the comic book nerd of the tandem. I simply haven't wanted to get swept up in the buzz for this one. Not to mention the daily updates provided  by Wright during filming got to be a little annoying. Now that the film is done and being seen by people with far more clout than yours  truly, it's time to start getting amped. 

Universal Pictures has released their schedule for the year, and they've decided to put Scott Pilgrim in a head-to-head deathmatch against Sylvester Stallone's action throwback, The Expendables, on August 13th. Expect a heavy presence by both films at San Diego Comic-Con, as both are high on the fanboy want list. Scott Pilgrim is the story of a guitarist who must battle and defeat the six evil ex-boyfriends of the girl of his dreams in order to win her heart. The film features an amazing cast: Michael Cera, Chris Evans, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Kieran Culkin, Anna Kendrick, Jason Schwartzman, and Brandon Routh.

The only thing this makes clear is that I'll be at the movies at least twice on August 13th.

Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps teaser trailer!

When Wall Street 2 was first announced, I was as skeptical as anybody. It's been more than 20 years since the original film basically set off a movement and unleashed an army of greedy, money worshipping Alex P. Keatons into the world. "Greed is good" became the catchphrase of the 80s, personified by the film's most memorable character, Gordon Gekko. My thought was that it's been too long, times have changed, and trying to recapture the old glory would a waste of time.  Now that I've caught a glimpse of the trailer, my opinion has changed somewhat. Below is the trailer, and my brief comments afterwards...



So the main thing I'm digging immediately is that it takes place right after Gekko finishes a serious stint in the pokey. That scene where Gekko is waiting outside for a ride, and he sees some thug jumping into a limo is brilliant. Back in the 80s, a limo was a status symbol few could attain. Now it seems like everybody with a few extra dollars in their pocket's got one. Things have definitely changed. I'm also extremely happy to see Carey Mulligan(An Education) getting some top billing in cast list. She's a phenomenal actress who had the performance of the year in 2009, and I'm amped to see what she can do in another major role. This one's looking better than I gave it credit for.

Wall Street 2 stars Michael Douglas, Shia LaBeouf, Josh Brolin, and Carey Mulligan. It's set for release on April 23rd, 2010.

Mad Max: Fury Road Adds Hoult

Ok, so this isn't exactly about Mel Gibson, just a character he helped bring into the spotlight. THR's Heat Vision blog is reporting that Nicholas Hoult has signed on for George Miller's continuation of the road warrior franchise. Hoult will play a character named Nux. Details on the role are sketchy at best.  Charlize Theron and Tom Hardy are slated to headline the sci-fi pic.

Hoult will be recognizable to some as the little boy who starred opposite Hugh Grant in 2002's About a Boy. He most recently gained some serious acclaim and a BAFTA Rising Star nomination for his role opposite Colin Firth in A Single Man. He will next appear in the remake of Clash of the Titans.

Um, dude has grown up. Big time. I won't go into too much detail, but ladies, you might want to go see A Single Man and witness his performance in it. There's plenty of eye candy for you to look at in it. I bet Julianne Moore had a field day.

As for Mad Max, I'm still not into this film at all. The other Mad Max movies never did much for me, and George Miller is a spotty director in my opinion. Hopefully when footage starts coming out my mind will be changed.

Mel Gibson, Shane Black Reunite for Cold Warrior

Seems like I'm writing a lot about Mel Gibson lately. That's good. I've missed him on the big screen, and generally enjoyed his return to form in Edge of Darkness. Now it looks like we might be seeing him go back a little further, as it's being reported that Gibson is in talks to reteam with Shane Black for the buddy Cold War film, Cold Warrior. Shane Black was the writer behind the Lethal Weapon franchise which helped forge Gibson into the megastar he is today. Black's last film was his debut in a directorial role, the buddy crime caper Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.

Gibson would star as a spy who comes out of retirement in order to stop a terrorist threat from Russia during the Cold War. He will be teamed with a young, upstart agent. No word on who that role will be filled by. The script was penned by Chuck Mondry, who at last check has a Hollywood writing resume approximately the size of my own. I'd be much more confident if Shane Black was scripting as well, rather than simply directing.

You can read more on this story by following Variety's coverage here.

Edge of Darkness

I awaited Edge of Darkness's release with much anticipation. Mel Gibson to me, has been a star in the lurch lately. I could care less about the stuff he's said away from the camera. It's much more interesting to focus on his choices behind the lens, such as Passion of the Christ and Apocalypto. While I enjoyed both films to different degrees, Mel Gibson to me will always be Riggs from Lethal Weapon, or William Wallace in Braveheart. Edge of Darkness at least promised to give me  back the action hero Gibson. If it was anything like Payback, I'd walk away pretty pleased.  Pleased is not exactly the word I'd use to describe how I felt when this was over.

Gibson plays tough guy Boston cop, Thomas Craven.It's a well worn role for Gibson, and he slips into it with ease. Craven's a nice enough sort away from the beat. A single father, his only real passion seems to be the well-being of his daughter, Emma. Emma works for a shady corporation known as Northmoor, which sounds a birthing ground for ogres in Lord of the Rings. She comes home one day out of the blue, homesick she says. She's coughing and throwing up. Thomas, like us, suspects pregnancy. If only that were the case. On their way out to hopefully figure out what her sickness might be, they are met by a masked man who promptly shoots Emma in the chest. The assumption is that he was the intended target, him being a cop and all. Must've been a past case come back to haunt him, and Emma was just an innocent victim.

Thomas's investigation leads him to some shady dealings and scurrilous figures in the world his daughter inhabited. She was far more than an intern, as she claims. He is led to Northmoor, where he runs afoul of the company's CEO, Jack Bennett(Danny Huston). Bennett is a snake oil salesman if there ever was one, but he is polite enough to humor Thomas and his questions. Bennett, in a shocking reveal of his true evil nature, asks Thomas pointblank, "How does it feel?" We never hear his response. It should've been met with a swift kick in the groin.

Edge of Darkness is based on a BBC miniseries that ran way back in 1985. Having seen some of it myself, I remember it having a lot more action and political manueverings than this stripped down version. It moves often at a glacial pace, with long stretches of conversation that often go nowhere. Mel Gibson is the only redeeming thread for most of these scenes. Even at this stage of his career, his command over the screen is great. He makes Thomas Craven both a fearsome sentinel that you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley, and yet the next moment he cracks a joke that could make the whole room smile. But behind those jokes, there's a sense of intense pain and anger that's barely being contained.

That pain and anger comes out in brief bursts of violence. This isn't the action packed blitz I was hoping for and expecting. Director Martin Campbell, who most recently won raves for Casino Royale, struggles find a balance. This film wants desperately to be one of those throwback Gibson actioners, but the heavy political aspect the story drowns it out. You'll love Thomas Craven, and you'll want desperately for him to succeed and find some happiness, but you'll also want him to go out and actually kick somebody's butt. It doesn't happen often enough.

The biggest surprise for me was just how lacking in any real suspense there was. We know from fairly early on who the villain is. This is no fault of Huston's, but Jack Bennett might as well have been a James Bond villain. All he needed was a little scar over his cheek or to bleed tears or something. This film needed a serious adrenaline injection, and perhaps to not take itself so damn seriously. It's almost too gritty for it's own good. The only conversations with any real sizzle are between Thomas and Jedburgh(Ray Winstone). Jedburgh is a CIA agent who's sortof playing the middle. He's sent to cover up Emma's murder, but part of him wants to see Thomas succeed. I could watch Ray Winstone look bearish and menacing all day.

While I'm happy to see Gibson reaching back somewhat to what he does best, Edge of Darkness is like an appetizer when you really want the main course. It seems like middle aged action heroes are all the rage lately thanks to last year's Taken. As much as I like Liam Neeson, if he had been in this film it would've been worse. Mel Gibson's charisma is the only thing keeping this standard, paint by numbers political thriller afloat.

MOOOOORRRRRTTAAALLLL KOMBATTTT

Sorry for the headline, but I just couldn't help myself. It seems that Warner Bros. is gearing up to do another Mortal Kombat, and with the writer they've chosen it seems it would be more of a total reboot. Here's the word from /Film:

Warner Bros. are in early development of a new Mortal Kombat movie. They’ve already selected a writer in Oren Uziel, author of the Black List 2009 entry Shimmer Lake. That script was a twisty, suspenseful thriller that combined murder mystery with a bank heist plotline, so it would seem Uziel has a smarter way with narrative than is strictly necessary for a beat ‘em up tournament film.

 Honestly I won't even play the snobby role for a second and say that I think this is a bad idea. I think with a good writer this is a god damned fantastic idea. Mortal Kombat has always been equal parts 'Big Trouble in Little China', 'Bloodsport', and 'GI Joe' all drawn together with a pretty damn good story, at least in the video games. Visually the movie could be spectacular, with the right choreographer for fight scenes and just a TAD of CGI sprinkled in.  As far as story, I would suspect they'd follow Liu Kang as the lead but personally I've always wanted to know more about Sub Zero and the Lin Keui ninja clan he belongs to. Speaking of which how freaking cool are Sub Zero and Scorpion, even in the crappy mid 90's flick they were pretty damn awesome. So I'll leave you with a question, who wins in a tag team fight, Sub Zero and Scorpion VS Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow.

Avengers Line-Up Confirmed! Sorta

Let the backtracking and tap dancing begin. In an interview with SFX, Kevin Feige, head honcho of Marvel films, let slip a critical detail about the upcoming Avengers movie. Like who's gonna be in it and stuff. Kinda important.

"My only concern is that when we launch a franchise--whichever character's franchise that may be--it should stand on its own two feet... So by the time 'The Avengers' comes in 2012, it's not just a team superhero movie with a bunch of characters with powers. It's three people - four including the Hulk; five including Nick Fury - who you've seen before in other movies, coming together for the very first time."

That's pretty much a confirmation of the presence of three characters we were expecting: Thor, Captain America, and Iron Man. One we knew was involved but were unsure in what capacity: Nick Fury. And lastly, a character that has only been speculated on up to this point: The Hulk.  Still, there's been no movement on whether or not Ed Norton will be in the film to reprise his role as the jade giant. In no way does this mean that these will be the only superheroes involved. Feige's statement only makes mention of the characters we will have seen in movies by the time of the Avengers release. It's possible other characters without film presence will be involved. Personally, I'm still holding out hope for the Black Panther.

Feige goes on to discuss the process of melding all of these unique characters into one story, as well as the difficulties in melding Thor's mythology with the grounded nature of the Marvel universe. You can read details on the rest of his interview here.

Things I Never Want to Hear Again in Movies: Take 1

Welcome to the first of what will hopefully be a weekly segment on the site and a topic of discussion for the podcast. Things I never want to hear again in movies is just that, a rant on the overused, misused, and so often repeated phrases that we hear in so many different movies. It's like the lines take on a life of their own and become cast in every Hollywood movie, like the writers think of them as plithy catchphrases or transitional words. First up in the queue:

"Don't shoot! We need him/her/them alive!!"

Now you've heard this in just about any movie in which someone is being chased by a group of organized armed assailants. The thing is, the line makes no sense! First off wouldn't these be instructions you gave to your group of highly trained mercenaries before you set out on a foot pursuit through a crowded city street? Secondly, why is this ONLY EVER SAID AFTER 200 ROUNDS HAVE BEEN FIRED!! Have you noticed that? It's like they wait for the bad guys to miss with four clips of ammunition firing dozens of rounds ANY one of which could've easily kiilled the pursuee and then decide, "Ya know what? Since the boss wants these good folks alive, perhaps we shouldn't be firing hundreds of lethal projectiles at their heads...hmm". Look, I know that the heros aren't going to be shot before their time, and it's only a movie but this particular line always juts out as the pinnacle of bad guy idiocracy and the laziest of writing. Look, if you want to show the fact that the targets have to be captured alive than do some real creative writing, make the bad guys have a quick huddle before running off, or hell have them use less than lethal weapons..granted they're not as exciting as guns but it'll add to the realism of the situation, and bean bag shotguns fire the same as regular shotguns, I'm just saying give your audience a little hard work. Here's a thought, instead of them just firing guns off to convey the danger why not take a nod from 'District B:13' and have foot chases that involve your guys chasing through the more dangerous terrain of a city, add some parkour and voila! you have a chase seen with no nonsense. I'm not saying they can't carry guns, but why do they always have to shoot them, if you want your target alive then shooting at their faces is NOT the best way to go about doing that. That's all for today's rant, but keep checking back for next weeks installment of 'Things I Never Want to Hear Again in Movies'!

Sam Worthington, the Next Dracula?

Sam Worthington is looking to headline yet another big budget franchise. Variety is reporting that the actor is in talks to star in Universal Pictures big budget Dracula Year Zero. It's the actor's first deal since starring in the highest grossing film of all-time, Avatar. The English born Worthington is already headlining pretty much every other franchise out there. Last year he starred in Terminator Salvation and Avatar, and will next be seen in a remake of Clash of the Titans.

Dracula Year Zero will be a retelling of the vampire's origin, mixing mythology with the true story of Vlad the Impaler.  According to sources, it the story will be "depicting Dracula as a flawed hero in a tragic love story set in a dark age of magic and war."

Budgeting is set at an estimated $100M, with a release date already tentatively set for 2011. 

I don't know what it is people are seeing in Worthington that I'm missing, but he's apparently going to be in every movie made in 2010 and beyond. He's the white Samuel L. Jackson.

Avatar is King of the World!!

As expected, James Cameron's Avatar has surpassed the director's 1997 hit Titanic as the highest grossing film evah!!! To think, I was one of the people who said and I'm quoting myself here, "It can't possibly live up to the hype. It's sci-fi, not everybody digs that sh*t."  I am moron. Fear me. 

Avatar's global haul of $1,843,802321(!!!) actually surpassed Titanic's long held record on Monday, as the epic continued it's mad dominance over the global box office. In terms of domestic grosses, Avatar is still $50M shy of Titanic's record, but that will likely fall in a couple of weeks if not sooner.

Adjusted for inflation, however, Avatar finishes a distant 26th place. It's been aided by high ticket prices and the super costly IMAX ticket sales.  The #1 film of all-time adjusted for inflation is still Gone with the Wind, who's $400M take back in 1939 would be worth $6B today. Guh.

You can read more on this story, along with further box office breakdown via THR's coverage.

Tooth Fairy

The plan was to do a simple Snap Judgement on this one, but it's a slow day for news so why not go all out? I was never a big fan of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Not even back when he graced the ring as part of my beloved pro wrestling. His comedy, even then, had a certain appeal in that it seemed tailored for six year olds, horny women of all ages, and those who had sponges left in their brains after surgery. When he left to pursue a full-time acting career, I expected success due to his favorability with these groups, but nothing like this. His latest starring role puts him in the role of a thug hockey player, known as the Tooth Fairy because he knocks guys' teeth out. Clever. Unfortunately hockey isn't the only thing that gets hip checked into the boards this time around. Comedy takes a pretty sound beating as well.

Derek "Tooth Fairy" Thompson doesn't really look like a hockey player. He looks like he just stepped out from a GQ model shoot. He lacks the scraggy, brutish demeanor of his teammates. Apparently he was a former star, who got busted down to the minors after an injury, and then began honing his new caveman demeanor. He's dating Carly(Ashley Judd), a single mother with two kids. Derek, being the thoughtful gentleman that he is, kicks the film off with a bang by first stealing the youngest daughter's tooth money right from under her pillow in order to gamble it, then attempting to bust the poor child's belief in the tooth fairy. This guy's a keeper. I'm sure ladies were lining up at the door for this chump.

As punishment for even trying to convince a child they don't exist, Derek is sentenced to two weeks hard labor as a tooth fairy. You'd think they'd be used to not being believed in by now, but they are apparently very sensitive to it.  Fairyland looks a lot like the DMV. There isn't just one tooth fairy, but a whole brigade. Some of them are pretty hot, too. I would've been happy with just a passing attempt to mack on one of these ladies, but we get nada. This is strictly kiddie fare, and the Rock gets no tail at all. Not even from his girlfriend.  Derek is overseen by a handler, Tracy(Stephen Merchant). The two don't get a long. I'm sure you're surprised to hear that. Actually, the best bits of the film take place in Fairyland. Billy Crystal plays a weaponeer who outfits Derek with his arsenal of gadgets. It's a role similar to the one Crystal played in The Princess Bride. Julie Andrews is the head fairy in charge. She's basically Mary Poppins with wings. These scenes click, mainly because these veteran actors help temper The Rock's....um...enthusaistic(?) comedic style. To be fair, he only overdoes it when dealing with other fairies. He's far more comfortable in the scenes with Judd or the children where he gets to utilize his obvious charm.

Unforunately not enough of the film is in Fairyland, and everything else is a disaster. The jokes, such as they are, fall flat. This is humor intended for small children, or for parents faking laughter in hopes that their children will catch on and settle down. In the theater I was at, the kids did nothing but talk. And not about the movie. An indicator that maybe even children are above this mess.

There's an irritating subplot with Derek being replaced by some young hotshot superstar. If they spent more than 5 minutes on the ice maybe I'd care. Nope, that probably wouldn't have helped either. Ashley Judd seems woefully miscast. Maybe I'm just too used to seeing her run for her life from jealous ex-husbands or something that I can't accept her in a kiddie comedy like this. Her chemistry with The Rock is so non-existent that I have to believe it's intentional. Is the sequel going to be a divorce comedy? That could be interesting.

The Rock could buy and sell me a hundred times over, so saying that I felt sorry watching him in his little pink ballerina outfit doesn't make a lot of sense. However, everytime he had to choke down another awful line of childish dialogue, I couldn't help but feel that the man formerly known as The People's Champ has ever been more dead. The Gameplan, another Rock film, is one that I've avoided for fear of how awful it might be. Surely it's better than this, though? Right?

Punch Drunk DVDs! 1/26/10

Michael Jackson: This Is It
The final curtain call for the King of Pop is an exuberant, show stopping masterpiece. Rarely, if ever, have we seen Michael Jackson so exposed, so fully enraptured by the music he loved so dearly, and worked so hard at to please his loyal fans. Combining clips of the arduous rehearsals for his planned 50 date tour, This Is It is a must for any Michael Jackson fan. Hell, it's even a must for non-fans like myself. Amazing film.








Bright Star
I typically scoff at these romantic period pieces about writers and poets, but I'm actually enthusiastic about finally checking this one out. Ben Whishaw plays the great poet, John Keats, in the final years of his life. Keats died young, believing his time on earth to be a failure, but the many great works of his career are said to revolve around his love for Fanny Brawne. Abbie Cornish, whom I've loved in everything since her breakthrough role in 2004's Somersault, plays the wordsmith's great muse.







Surrogates
So maybe it was never intended to be an all out action romp, but Surrogates couldn't have moved slower than if it were drenched in molasses and flash frozen. Bruce Willis plays a grizzled cop, in a world where robotic surrogates live our lives for us on the outside world.









Whip It
Ellen Page stars in Drew Barrymore's directorial debut as an upstart member of an all-girl roller derby team. I can't lie, a part of me wants to own this film. It's cheerful, girl power mystique hooked me, and frankly there are few things I love more than a bunch of hot, tough chicks elbowing eachother in the teeth. A lot of fun and definitely worth checking out.








Little Ashes
It's Robert Pattinson playin Salvador Dali. If that doesn't make you want to see this potential trainwreck, nothing else will.











I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
Tucker Max, the unlikable troll the main character of this film is based on, predicted that this would be one of the greatest selling DVDs of all-time in ten years. Maybe he means in frat houses, or amongst film schools who wish to educate their students on how not to make a funny sex comedy. On the plus side, Talent Show standout Keri Lynn Pratt is in this, looking as delicious as ever.








The Boys Are Back
The trailer for this Clive Owen weeper had dudes bawling in the aisles last year. Not me, of course. I'm too thick skinned and emotionally closeted for that. Owen stars as a sportswriter who's wife suddenly dies of terminal cancer, leaving him alone to care for his two sons. Joe's life as an instant widower is understandably hard, so expect plenty of heartstrings being tugged at in this one.

Legion

What's it gonna be like when all Hell breaks loose? Hmmm...wait, that's not quite accurate, is it? What's it gonna be like when all Heaven breaks loose? Pretty damn boring, actually. Legion is one of those movies that nestles quite happily into the month of January. Low expectations, low costs, low on the adrenaline scale if there is such a thing. It's happy being exactly what it is, a barely thought out actioner that has moments of coolness buried deep under tons of boring rubble.

I figure, if God is going to exterminate us all, he might use a more established technique. Massive floods. Plague carrying bugs. Joan of Arcadia marathons. But no, the G-O-D is all about the newness. He's about what's fresh. And what's fresh this year is mass extinction by way of angelic death bringers. At least that's the premise we were led to believe. Paul Bettany drops on earth like Michael Biehn in Terminator. The similarities between this and that film are unmistakable. Bettany is Michael, a former angel in God's army. He's come to earth with a mission. To save the future of humanity from God's wrath. Our future rests in the hands, or rather the pregnant belly of a waittress(Adrienne Palicki) living in a small New Mexico border town.

The truck stop diner she works at is populated by a who's who of B-Grade role callers. Dennis Quaid is the grizzled owner; Tyrese "Mayhem" Gibson is the thug with a heart of gold(I know! So unlike him!); Kate Walsh is hanging around as a snob; Charles "Roc" Dutton is a one-armed vet who gets made fun of a little bit but cooks a mean steak. Then there's Lucas Black, from Friday Night Lights and Tokyo Drift fame. He plays Quaid's son, the hilariously named Jeep.  I don't know if he's named after the vehicle he was conceived in, but you haven't lived until you've heard an angel telling a guy named Jeep that he's the savior of humanity, and trying to maintain a straight face while doing it. I actually like Lucas Black as an actor, even if one could set up camp in that long southern drawl of his. It works for whatever reason.

Michael's arrival at the diner is met with the typical disbelief inherent in those who've just been attacked by a fanged, spider-walking granny. You'd think they'd be open to any amount of supernatural nonsense at that point, but no. Apparently, God didn't see fit to just send out a legion of winged badasses to wipe a handful of meatbags off the map. Nope, let's just posess a bunch of humans and parade them zombie style around the joint, where they can be picked off one-by-one by any idiot with a pistol. Not the Man's most well thought out idea. If this plan were one of God's creatures, it'd be the platypus.

The idea behind Legion is actually a pretty sound one. When in production, I was staunchly behind this, thinking we might get to see a pretty cool war between angels and stuff of that nature. You can have fun with a story like that, and for awhile I thought that was the road this was headed on. The first half of the film bounces along pretty casually, with some cheesy dialogue and humorous one-liners thrown in. Then I don't know what happened but it starts taking itself way too seriously. Sure, the fate of all humanity is at stake, but...you don't have to act like all humanity's at stake! Have some fun with it. I laughed more at Extraordinary Measures, and that was about dying kids.

I would kill to see what a more capable writer could do with Legion's story. This isn't really a holy war. It's Assault on Precinct 13 with some lousy vaguely religious sounding mumjo jumbo thrown in. I think the point they were trying to make is that God wants us all to keep fighting even when all hope is lost. That seems to be what they kept telling me...or should I say, hitting me over the head with until my brain bled. Actually, that sounds like a more fitting demise than sitting through this again.

Gremlins...3-D!

Remember, no feeding after midnight. After years of on again/off again speculation, it looks like Gremlins 3 might finally be back on the track. Marketsaw is reporting that Gremlins 3 is in the early stages of production. What's more, it's being developed with an eye towards 3-D. Ooooh, wouldn't that be clever if they called it GREMLINS 3-D!!! Oooooh!!!

No word on who the writer/director of the film will be. Joe Dante directed both the 1984 original and my personal favortie, the 1990 sequel Gremlins 2: The New Batch. Dante has registered barely a blip on the Hollywood radar ever since, with his last big project being 2003's Looney Tunes: Back in Action.

I'm curious to see where this goes. In all likelihood a new, upstart director will be put in place to helm the project. Dante's sortof a pariah at this point, even though he's getting good  buzz on his lastest film, The Hole. But after 20 years out of the spotlight, the studio's gonna want to provide a fresh direction for the franchise. Personally I'm surprised they aren't starting completely from scratch. In fact, I think that's the direction this will eventually go in. 

The only real questions remaining is the form the Gremlins will take. CGI or puppet, or some sort of combination of the two similar to Where the Wild Things Are? And then of course, there's whether or not Phoebe Cates and Zach Galligan will be involved. You can't make a Gremlins movie without either of them. Period. Especially Cates. Yum.

Top Shelf at the Box Office! 1/25/10

1. Avatar- $36M/$553M
Avatar just isn't going to go away anytime soon. More than likely by this time next week it will have surpassed Titanic as the highest grossing film of all-time. This week it hurdled over The Dark Knight as the #2 domestic release. Not only is Avatar not dropping on a percentage basis every week, but it's soundly beating every high profile release that challenges it. Remarkable feat. Who would've thought that a movie about a bunch of smurfs who look like they've been rolled through a taffy puller would be such a hit.

2. Legion- $18.2M
The best thing I can say about Legion is that it's pretty much already made up its production budget of $25M. As far as box office goes, this is pretty much standard haul for a January action flick.

3. The Book of Eli- $17M/$62M
A pretty respectable drop of 48% leads Denzel's post-apocalyptic actioner to an impressive tally.

4. The Tooth Fairy- $14.5M
I want to bash The Rock mercilessly here, but the fact remains that 14.5M is a damn sight better debut than I would've hoped. And as much as I hate to admit it, he's the man when it comes to family films right now.

5. The Lovely Bones- $8.8M/$31.6M
Sure it's only the 2nd week in wide release for Peter Jackson's adaptation of the hit novel, but this has to be considered a disappointment. A high profile director, with an A-list cast, producing a work based on one of the most beloved(and controversial) books in years and it's numbers are pretty pedestrian.

6. Sherlock Holmes- $7.12M/$192M

7. Extraordinary Measures- $7M
When asked about this film's disappointing opening, a rep from CBS films stated that the storyline about a father trying to save his children's lives made it a tough sell. Um, no. That's an idea that sells quite well. The reason this tanked is that it looked like a TV movie, and it was marketed like a TV movie. Nobody's going to pay for that. Relatively strong word of mouth might help them out when DVD release is upon us, but this one's already dead in the water at theaters.

8. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel- $6.5M/$204M
I took a couple weeks off in hopes that I wouldn't have to type that excrutiating title again, and yet here it remains. What's wrong with you people?

9. It's Complicated- $6.19M/$98.6M

10. The Spy Next Door- $4.75M/$18.7M

Who the Heck is that Playing CONAN??!?

Excuse me for jumping to conclusions, but I thought this Conan the Barbarian movie was going to be a big deal? Maybe it still will be, but I find it hard to believe. Multiple sources, namely deadline.com and Latino Review, are reporting that Jason Mamoa is the pick to play the savage sword wielding king. Mamoa is best known for his role as somebody in Stargate: Atlantis. Mamoa won out over some guy from the Twilight films, and Supernatural's Jared Padalecki. Padalecki would've been the worst choice humanly possible for anything involving brute force and feral savagery.

Rumors are also swirling that Mickey Rourke has been offered a part playing Conan's father, a washed up wrestler who falls in love with a middle aged pole dancer. Hm? Oh, that's a different movie...

Ok, so maybe I'm jumping the gun and this Mamoa guy will help make this film a huge hit. I'd probably be complaining if the studio picked some recycled musclehead we've all seen before, so maybe there's something to be said for injecting some new blood into a high profile film like this. Only time will tell. Expect the news on Conan to start hitting fast and furious now that the one major casting hurdle has been crossed.

Snap Judgements: Crazy Heart; The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Crazy Heart

Country music, the soulful bleeding heart brand of country music, works by forming a bond of anguish with the listener. The music itself is generally very simple, it's the message that matters. The artist's job is to portray the idea that his life has been so tough as to make the listener's seem brighter by comparison. Jeff Bridges, one of film's great treasures, plays Bad Blake, a hard luck former country star just trying to get by. He's been through multiple marriages, has children he's never seen, and worse he's an alcoholic. He's the type of guy who has a beer with his Cheerios....minus the Cheerios. He was a real star once, but the times have changed. Now he struggles to get by performing in bowling alleys and dive bars, where his name draws a small but devoted crowd who remember him from his glory days.

Maggie Gylennhall plays Jean, a woman who just might be the cure for all Bad's problems. A single mother with a penchant for dating bad guys, she enters into a relationship with bad with understandable caution. Bad's problems run deep, and the story offers no simple solutions or easy fixes. She might or not be enough, and the question becomes if it's even worth the bother. Colin Farrell, who I'm surprised the ads are excluding from mention, plays Bad's protege Tommy. Tommy's a big star on the scene now, and his success has rubbed Bad the wrong way over the years.

Crazy Heart is a good film, but not a great one. Jeff Bridges is the best thing about it, and his performance is one for the ages, on par with Mickey Rourke's in The Wrestler. He imbues Bad Blake with enough vulnerability that peeks through his steely, macho facade. You can see the decades of pain in his eyes,as well as the easy tough guy charm he commands when in a woman's company. The music was the sticking point, though. I'm no fan of the genre myself, but the words and emotion of the songs fit. Bridges commands the stage like a seasoned pro. Not so much on Colin Farrell when he takes the mic, but he's passable. A film worth checking out for an iconic turn by a modern day legend. Jeff Bridges at his absolute best. 7/10

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Terry Giliam's latest film will likely be remembered for one thing only, and that's the unfortunate demise of it's star: Heath Ledger. Ledger's final performance is a subdued one when compared to his role in The Dark Knight, but I couldn't help but wonder how this would've gone if he had survived? He plays Tony, a mysterious stranger found literally hanging from underneath a bridge by a travelling circus troupe. The group's leader, the ancient Doctor Parnassus(Christopher Plummer), was once a monk who believed that if he stopped telling stories for even a moment, the world would come to an end. When a Satan-like figure named Mr. Nick(Tom Waits) challenges this theory, Parnassus wins and earns the gift of immortality. However, through various other shenanigans, Mr. Nick would eventually win the soul of the Doctor's gorgeous daughter, Valentina(Lily Cole) when she turns 16. That is, unless they can put a stop to Mr. Nick once and for all.

Giliam pulled together seamlessly a story that allowed for it's star to be non-existent. Ledger had already filmed the scenes outside of the magical world of the mirror, so the idea was implemented that one's appearance may change once inside. Jude Law, Colin Farrell, and Johnny Depp take on the many faces of Tony throughout the story. Each actor does a good job portraying a different aspect of Tony's personality. It's a transition that feels fluid and natural, when it could've very well spelled disaster. The acting is not this film's problem for me.

I had a tough time connecting with any of the characters, which is a fault of the threadbare script. Mr. Nick has the juiciest bits, with his mustache that looks like it was drawn in pencil, and his grandiose mannerisms. He plays the trickster like a bombastic showman. I wish there had been more of him.  Verne Troy is clearly having a good time as the Doctor's Jiminy Cricket sidekick, Percy. Everyone else comes off as a blank slate that I didn't really care about. I was pretty much rooting for Mr. Nick to win. Valentina might have a little fun hanging out with the devil for awhile.

Broken down into it's simplest parts, the story's premise is remarkably simple. It's a game between one man and a villain for the soul of a girl. But Giliam rarely sticks to a linear path, and often it's the narrative flourishes that derail his films. There are so many detours taken that by the time we're back on track with the core plot, I had stopped caring.  The film ends with a noble sacrifice and a mostly happy conclusion. I was barely awake enough to notice.  5/10

Hot Tub Time Machine red band trailer! (NOT Safe for Work!)

When I first heard about Hot Tub Time Machine, I brushed it off as the stupidest sounding lame ass comedy that I wouldn't bother even discussing because it was headed straight to DVD anyway. I'm an idiot. The film stars a virtual who's who of my favorite comedic talents, including John Cusack, Craig Robinson, Clark Duke, and Rob Corddry as a group of buds who take a trip to a swanky ski resort. They soon discover that their hot tub is a time machine that transports them back to their not so glory years of 1986. Craig Robinson with a high top fade? Money.

This looks absolutely hilarious. The trailer definitely has similarities to The Hangover, and I can already see the potential for this to be just as good as that was. This is a trailer that ain't safe for the office, so check it out at home or on your phone or somethin'!

The List! 1/22/10

I often complain about the January-March movie season as being the dumping ground for films the studios have zero faith in. For the most part I'm right, but every now and then a gem creeps up. I'm hoping Legion can be one of those gems, and isn't the spotty looking action flick it appears to be. This is actually a big weeek for Legion star, Paul Bettany, who has two films of vastly different types coming out today. Both of which are on my must see list. Not sure what kicked him back into stardom after a lost period that saw him starring as a self mutilating albino in The Da Vinci Code. Not his shiniest moment.

Well, at least he's not serving up tennis ball romances with Kirsten Dunst anymore. Yes, that's a reference to the awful film, Wimbledon, that Paul Bettany starred in. Here he's Michael, a fallen angel who decides to protect humanity when God has finally decided to wipe us all off the map. God's weapon of choice? Legions of angels with guns and stuff. Surely the G-O-D could've come up with a less gruesome method? I'm partial to plague carrying locusts, myself. My hope is that this film does not take itself too seriously and has some fun with the ridiculous premise. Otherwise this might be a disaster of biblical proportions.

Welcome back to Hollywood, John Amiel, I hope you survive the experience. The director hasn't been seen in seven years, ever since he unleashed the big budget bomb, The Core, on us all back in 2003. Paul Bettany makes his second appearance on The List this week as evolutionist Charles Darwin, in the midst of writing his master work, On the Origin of Species. Buzz on this has been scant, which is strange considering the problems the film had getting distribution here in the States, thanks to pro-Creationists causing a stink. It's a movie. Get over it.

If there's time....

I'm as surprised as anybody that this isn't in my list of "Avoid At All Costs" flicks for the week, but my reasons are simple. This is such a monumental step backwards for The Rock, who was forging something of a decent career for himself whether his films were any good or not. What's more, I think he knows it. The former People's Champ has been power bombed by mediocrity, and I want to see his face as he telegraphs every corny line of dialogue. This looks so much worse than The Gameplan it's not even funny.

No...no...a thousand times no!!

My review of this film is already up, and I think it's best summed up as a TV Movie of the week minus the entertaining commercial breaks. Ignore any and all ads equating this thing to The Blind Side, a vastly superior film. Unless you're in the mood to pay $10 for something you can find on Lifetime any day of the week, just avoid it entirely.